Confession time. Before this summer, I haven’t worn shorts/skirts in eight years. Sadly, it’s a fact. I’ve refrained from leg-reveling apparel since my mid-twenties. Even in the sweltering Oklahoma heat I wouldn’t give in. I just…couldn’t.
After I had my babies my legs morphed into these hideous rope-like tree trunks, swollen with dead blood. Gross, but true. Not only were they unsightly, but they burned, throbbed and caused fatigue.
I shrank from surgery after hearing a few sordid stories about the procedure. (little did I know these horror tales stemmed from the way doctors performed the surgery in the past—not present day.) I didn’t even consider an operation. I just managed the pain the best I could and threw the shorts in the winter clothes box.
Anyways, through much prayer and encouragement from hubby, I went to a specialist. He explained what was going on via sonogram. It appeared the valves in my veins weren’t closing properly and caused blood to pool when it should be traveling toward my heart. He discussed surgery. I cringed, all the stories from various medias spinning in my head. Then, I found out…it wasn’t that big of a deal. Yeah, nothing dangerous. Nothing excruciatingly painful. Annnnnd my insurance covered it. All those years I had this monster of a surgery built up in my head. It was fear. I was misinformed. And I lost out all those years.
So this past May, I had my first surgery and I didn’t die!!!! Nope, God’s grace was overwhelming and pulled me through with ease! Not only that…I wore shorts this summer!! (I literally had to purchase some, because I didn’t have any. Well I had one pair hubby bought to get me in the mindset of hope 🙂 ) But that was it.
I tear up thinking about how fear held me back all those years. Misinformation closed me to the truth. I missed out on skirts, shorts, and not being embarrassed at the pool. Friends, that’s not God’s best. He doesn’t want His children leaving in fear. And He desires us to seek him for His Truth!!
So I told this story to say this. The bad blood and the defected veins are gone. Yes, I’m scarred, but now I’m whole. This resembles my spiritual life so much. Yes, I’ve gone through circumstances that have tried to overtake me. Over the years, life has left its mark on me, but I trusted God to remove the dead things, the defected parts that weighed me down and kept me from freedom. I can look and see the scars, but those are only reminders that now I am whole!
Has fear ever held you back?